Fourth of July celebration

We are very fortunate to live in a great community that puts on a fantastic fireworks show each year, complete with a DJ, food trucks, bounce houses, and more.  We invited friends over to celebrate with us at the house before walking over to the lake area to watch the fireworks display.  I love the Fourth of July!

a few snapshots from the day:

  

Beach Vacation 2013

We are back to reality now after being on vacation for a week.

When my mom asked Annabelle what her favorite part of the beach was, she said, "Mommy." I am not sure she fully understood the question but there's probably a little truth to that answer.  Beach Mommy IS pretty great...relaxed, easy-going, doesn't go around yelling and making kids clean up after themselves all the time, and probably the best part is that Beach Mommy is generous with the ice cream trips.  Honestly, Reality Mommy could probably take a few tips from Beach Mommy in the chill out department.

We had a fantastic time at the beach. Usually at the beach we don't venture far from our routine: Wake up, go to beach, stop by the pool on the way back to the house for food and rest time followed by a trip to get ice cream/sno-cones.  This year we got wild and crazy one day and rented a pontoon boat to go out to Shell Island where we searched for shells and went snorkeling.  We found some sand dollars, hermit crabs and a starfish.  We got to see some sea turtle tracks in the sand and dolphins swimming right in front of our boat!



On our first ice cream outing, everyone got ice cream except Cody.  The line was very long at the sno-cone stand and by the time he got his, we were all finished eating our ice cream.  Of course, everyone needed a taste (or two or three...) of his sno-cone to decide if we wanted ice cream or a sno-cone the following day.  The kids were all gathered around him with their mouths open like little starving baby birds.  The next day, we adults hatched our brilliant plan to bring some Coconut Rum in a plastic bottle to top our Pineapple sno-cones.

Happy Birthday Annabelle

Dear Annabelle,
Happy 3rd birthday to my precious little girl!  Three years ago on this day, a tiny, beautiful, happy miracle came into our lives and blessed and transformed us.  In your short life so far, you have already taught our family so much about faith, and love, and gratitude. It's hard to explain how a growing child makes a mom feel. I think its because we love you SO MUCH the way you are RIGHT NOW, that we can't bear to let go of that. But at the same time, we are so excited to see what wonderful thing you will do next.

I got to hold onto your babyhood a little longer last night, your last night of being a two-year-old.  Our upstairs air-conditioner stopped working and it was almost 90 degrees up there.  The boys spent the night at Gigi's and you spent the night in our bed downstairs. I held onto you all night breathing in your baby-shampoo-scented hair, your perfect skin, and your little-ness.  I needed that.  When the sun came up I just watched you sleep and memorized your profile silhouetted against the window, knowing when you'd wake up you'd never be this age again.

Annabelle, just the thought of you puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart...and, at the moment, a tear in my eye because you are growing up.  You are so full of personality and joy and gratitude and...light.  You just shine.  I don't know how else to say it.  You light up rooms, faces and hearts everywhere you go. And the incredible thing is that you don't even have to try, it just radiates from you naturally.  When other little kids meet you for the first time, they go home talking about you and saying your name over and over.  Perfect strangers come over and just want to meet you. They tell us how just watching you while they ate their meal at a nearby table brought them joy.   You are so generous with your hugs and smiles and laughter.  You never forget to say please ["peas"] or thank you ["dank do"] and you will often repeat it several times if it isn't met with an immediate "You're welcome." You adore your bothers and the feeling is definitely mutual.  When they are at school, you ask many times a day if it's time to go get them from school yet.  When it is time, they are greeted with your loooong sweet I-missed-you-hugs... they'll even hug you in front of their friends. You bring out the loving, tender side of those boys.  You've got them using their sweet voice when they talk to you, playing Ring around the Rosie, pushing you gently on the swings, blowing bubbles for you, and holding your hand in the car.

You do so many little things that just brighten my days.  You bring me your boo-boos to kiss, and when you squeeze my neck hugging me, I feel so loved! You are so funny and have perfect comedic timing.  Recently, we were in the car when you started shouting excitedly, "Airpwane! Airpwane, Mommy, airpwane!"  So I said, "Oh, do you see an airplane?" to which you replied, "nnnope."  And then today at nap time, I was hearing a strange sound coming from upstairs. When I turned the corner to your room, I found you vacuuming with your toy Dirt Devil...wearing nothing but Minnie Mouse panties,  5 strands of Mardi Gras beads, and my flip flops.  It's really hard to be stern about nap time when I'm laughing inside! When you aren't busting our gut by being your cute, silly self, you are laughing, asking to be tickled, smiling, dancing, running, or taking your third or fourth bath of the day.  Right now, you like to play chase and when we finally catch you (because you are really fast and know how to use furniture to your advantage), you yell "Gachoo!" and crack up laughing.  It's really fun to watch you pretend play.  You are so good at taking care of the baby dolls in this house.  They are bathed, and fed, sung to, and put to bed.  You love "tucking in" just about anyone or anything. We all tiptoe around when you sweetly tell us, "Shhh, baby's suseep." You are going to be an excellent mommy someday.  Always remember that God knows the desires of your heart--and in our weakness and imperfection, His strength is revealed.

Right now, you can count to 20 and backwards from 5 (thanks to Kyle).  You can say your ABC's and you even know the sounds the letters make!  You know your colors and you are great at stacking blocks and making castles with them.  Your favorite foods are yogurt, (the right kind of) cheese, fruit, and ice cream.  Seriously, if we get within 2 blocks of Yogurtville, you start screaming for ice cream.  Right now, you love Minnie Mouse and you are also starting to get into Dora.  You change clothes/underwear/pajamas at least 5 times a day and often try to wear your pajamas out in public.  You have a "I do it" attitude and you can pretty much do whatever you set your mind to.  You are very independent and capable.  I love how whenever your see a picture of yourself or catch your reflection in the mirror, you say, "Awww, tute [cute]."  I hope you always see the beauty in yourself.

You are beautiful, bright, outgoing, loving, giving, funny, and brave, and I completely adore you!  You fill our lives with joy and laughter and gratitude.  I cannot believe how lucky I am that God chose me to be your Mommy.  

I love you more than words can express.

Love,
Mommy


Here you are on the morning of your 3rd birthday.



And here's a few more pictures taken a few days ago...because it captures more of your room right now, your PJ changin' ways, sleeping position, etc.


Your very talented Gigi made your quilt, pillow shams, rug, and ball pillow.  Mommy, Daddy, Barrett and Kyle painted huge polka dots on your wall (a la Minnie).


We let Barrett sleep in your room one night because he really wanted to.  He read you a story and then you both went right to sleep.

Good to the Last Drop

The boys' summer break starts tomorrow so Annabelle and I are savoring our last morning to ourselves.  We look forward to having the boys home, but we have our routine.  It's ours and we love it.  Most people start their day with coffee.  I do sometimes, but anyone who knows me, knows that since giving up Diet Coke a few years ago, I am almost never without an unsweet tea.  Every morning, Annabelle and I drop off the boys at school and then swing by Sonic for my fix.  Then we come home and I give her some milk and we cuddle for a few minutes before the craziness and and to-do lists take over.  Here's to the last drop of the school year and alone time with my baby and an extra long cuddle.

Mother's Day Pictures

We took all three kids out so they could grant me my Mother's Day wish--a photo of all 3 of them together.  Thank you kids!

Mothers Day Confessions

To my wonderful kids,
I wish I could see into the future and see that you all turn out to be good, happy grown-up people.  Often, I feel I have done absolutely nothing to raise you that way or to set that example. Most days I feel like I have done so many things I wish I had done differently.   I almost never manage to be the mom I want to be in the heat of the moment.  Honestly, most days I go to bed thinking that I have once again failed as a mother.   Sometimes I ask God why He gave me THESE kids.  Sometimes I ask why He trusted these kids with ME?  I am so under-qualified for this monumental job.

I am not a perfect mother...it's not even close...big surprise, I know.  I have ZERO patience.  Most days, one of you goes to school without underwear (I think we all know who) and I don't stop you and make you go put it on.  I don't carry hand sanitizer in my purse, and I have let you boys pee behind a tree at the park on numerous occasions.  I don't always follow through with the consequences I threaten and I sometimes (more often than I'd like to admit) fly off the handle without warning.  Sometimes baths don't happen as much as they should for you...or me for that matter.  I sometimes let getting the best photograph get in the way of a great family moment. Our dining room table is covered with laundry 95% of the time.  Seriously. Maybe even 97%. One day, one of you was looking for a particular shirt and I told you to look in the dining room and you said, in all seriousness, "Where's that?...Oh, you mean the laundry room?" Good thing we have a breakfast table for eating.  I am a chronic, incurable stacker...there are little piles of things I need to do all over this house...much of it is stuff I need/forgot to sign for school. The mere thought of taking you kids to the library gives me anxiety and yet I so admire the moms who have it together enough to go regularly...and they probably remember to return the books too!  The last (and only) time we went, I am pretty sure we exceeded the allowable indoor decibel level from the parking lot on the way in...and then again as I loudly whisper-yelled at you guys to "BE QUIET AND STOP RUNNING!"  Yeah, I bet those calm "library moms" don't open every food item in the grocery cart before paying for it just to get through the store without a meltdown either.  

I haven't even tipped the iceberg that is the list of my mothering flaws, but I think I have sufficiently established that I'm not a perfect mother.  However, there is NO ONE alive who knows you and loves you more than me. No one can decode the meaning of your cries like me.  I am the only one who knows when you need a hug or cuddle even when you say you don't.  I know exactly where and how to tickle you.  There is nobody else who knows what you will say and do before you do it...sometimes not even you.  When I would rock you as babies, I knew the instant you were asleep.  I am the one who can read your facial expressions and decipher your babble words.  When you are sad, my heart is breaking.  When you are happy, my heart sings.  When you struggle, I cry and lose sleep and pace the floor.  I can look at you and know exactly what you are thinking, what you did, why you did it, and how you feel.  When the rest of the world is throwing their hands in the air, surrendering hope of understanding you, I GET YOU.  On this deep indescribable level, I get you.  I know your heart and soul.  Because you are a piece of me.

I am not perfect, but neither are you and that's okay because God is.  God gave YOU to ME, a very flawed mom, because He thinks I am the perfect mother for you...and God doesn't make mistakes.  He thinks I am perfectly suited for you and your uniqueness and imperfections.  I believe He chose us for each other in order to grow each of us into better people and to bring us all closer to Him.  There are many days when I wonder why we can't just get through the day (or hour) without friction...but then I remember that like sand paper, friction smoothes out our rough edges and shapes us into beautiful creations.



But he said to me,  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 
2 Corinthians 12:9



Knowing everything I wish I had done differently, everything I have done and continue to do imperfectly, I know that all that is good and wonderful in you is from God.


I love you.

Love,
Your Flawed Mommy

Kyle was sent to the principal's office on Wednesday...and then again on Thursday. There are so many thoughts swirling in my head about what to say about it all. I could go into the details and the very long story about both incidents and the story about his teacher and everything that led up to this. Those are points I will be discussing with the principal when I meet with her. 

But what do I want to take away? What do I want my kids to know when they read this later? 

Everything I write here gets put together in books that are a family treasure of memories and pictures and stories and all kinds of things that would have otherwise been vaguely remembered. Our family reads the books together...we laugh and cry and warm our hearts to the story of us. The other day, in fact, the three kids and I were reading out of the book from 2008. I was reading a birthday letter I had written to Kyle on his 2nd birthday. I got to a part that was talking about the relationship between the two boys. I came to the part that said, "Barrett started preschool this year, and after we drop him off, you [Kyle] often will ask in a sad tone, “Where’s my Barrett?” It’s really so cute I could cry."  Right then,  I heard Barrett sniff and say, "I AM crying!" These stories remind us who we are, what we have been through together, and how much we care about each other. 

So, while I would love to only write about our funny stories and good times, the difficult moments we experience are where we really grow as individuals and as a family.  Our failures are what bring us closer to God and closer to each other.  I want the kids to have a few of these stories to look back on and see that we were/are a real family with real problems and that we love and accept each other through it all.  I am not going to describe here in detail every misstep that was made by those involved (Please know that it wasn't that bad and I'm not just too ashamed to put it in writing...that's not it at all!).  That's not what's important to remember in the long run.  What is important is what we do next.  We learn, make amends, take responsibility for our part, forgive each other and ourselves, and try to make better choices next time.  

The timing for this "Office Visit" was not great as I was already at my breaking point. We have been struggling for a month to get Annabelle much needed, very expensive medicine covered by insurance/prescription plan and running into roadblocks at every turn. Cody is out of town (and completely out of reach) until Sunday night and I somehow have to get a ton of work done...but wait, the kids are out of school on Friday (we didn't use a snow day that was on the calendar)...surprise...and now Barrett seems to be running a fever!  But, I can't exactly plan these things for when it is convenient for me emotionally, I guess.  

I am not going to excuse Kyle's behavior.  He needs to be respectful and kind and learn follow school rules...period.  There are rules in life that must be followed.  We have taught and continue to teach our kids the importance of rules and obedience.  We have talked in detail about how rules help everybody learn, and stay safe, and happy.  We have pictures on our wall that remind the kids that they would rather live in a home with rules than without.  This doesn't mean they are perfect and always follow rules.  Nobody's perfect (not even parents) and mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.  While it might initially be much easier on me if they would just follow all the rules all the time, I am glad that they have the guts to break the mold every now and then.  Sometimes the rules need revisions.  Sometimes the grown-ups in charge make mistakes.  Sometimes it takes a bold kid breaking a few rules to call somebody's attention to some serious problems.  

Kids are human beings with feelings and unique personalities and God made every single one different and perfectly imperfect...on purpose.  Kyle is an exceptionally bright, creative person with so much curiosity and eagerness to learn.  Having said that, you would think he would be a dream student.  But no, being a very creative person sometimes means that you march to the beat of your own drum (sometimes viewed as uncooperative, non-conforming and non-compliant by teachers, etc.).  Many creative types don't like routines or to be controlled and are often disorganized.  I am very aware of the frustrations when dealing with these attributes.  I know how hard it is with just 3 kids to get things going smoothly when one or more of them are not cooperating.  I cannot imagine being a teacher and having to deal with 20-30 kids!  I know many teachers who are fantastic at their very difficult job and I am so thankful for them. This is not about teachers in general.  This is about a specific problem that has manifested in our tiny realm.  I get impatient sometimes too, but I am trying to see the whole kid and understand that his motive is not to drive me crazy, but rather to experience the world in his own unique way. I respect that and I want to allow him the space to do that as well as teach him the social norms, acceptable conduct, and values that we uphold in our family.  

I am a parent and that means I have to look out for what is best for my kids.  I am not going to fight battles they can fight for themselves, but I am going to protect their hearts when they can't.  That's just it.  I know of things that have been said and done by his teachers that tell me he has this "Bad Kid" scarlet letter on his chest.  And they are SO WRONG!!  He is a GREAT KID!  They don't understand him and probably many other kids just like him who are creative and have a creative personality type.  He should be leading the class because the way he thinks, processes information, and figures things out is EXACTLY what this generation of kids will need to be successful.  With the internet and abundance of information at our fingertips, we don't need to teach people to regurgitate information (that's what computers are for).  Schools need to appreciate and cultivate high-level, creative, out-of-the-box thinkers, tinkerers and experimenters, rather than label them as trouble-makers!  
I hope we can work with the school to get this "bad kid" label off of Kyle (and other kids with a creative personality type) before he starts to believe it and it spirals into a self-fulfilling prophesy.  A child's self-perception is far too precious to allow it to be shaped by rumors and prejudgement. 

A true story to illustrate the problem between a creative kid and a (over-stretched?) teacher:
One day I was in the carpool line watching my kids waiting for their names to be called.  Kyle was sitting by himself and I saw him pour some of water out of his water bottle onto the concrete.  Then he watched it and dragged his finger in it a bit.  The teacher in charge called his name but he didn't respond.  She went over to him and I saw her having stern words with him.  She then walked him to the car, stuck her head in the door, and angrily told ME to tell him not to pour water all over the ground.  I nodded only because she stood there waiting for me to respond, but I said nothing to her or to Kyle (maybe that's the creative personality in me, but seriously?! Does she scold God when it rains on the concrete?)  As we drove off, I asked Kyle in a genuinely interested tone what he was doing with the water.  He excitedly told me the was doing an experiment to see which way the water would spread and told me all about the unit they were doing in school about matter, solids, liquids and gases.  If a teacher (one who is really interested in the minds of students) had heard everything he told me about matter, she would have been really impressed!  He probably should have been paying attention to names being called to make things go smoother for the carpool line and for the teacher in charge.  He wasn't not responding out of disrespect, but rather he was fully engaged in observation and internalizing what he had learned. Sometimes if we can just take a beat to ask and listen, everyone can learn something.  Isn't that what school is supposed to be about?  Pouring water on the concrete wasn't hurting or anyone or anything...no one was even getting wet.  However, scolding him could have taught him that thinking and learning for himself is unacceptable.  I do see harm in that.

When I got the call from school that Kyle had been sent to the office, I immediately felt this wave of mercy fill me.  I was sad, but not angry, and not surprised.  I felt very strongly that we needed to show him that we are on his side even when he messes up, and yet make sure he learns from the mistakes he made.  I heard God telling me, "He has fallen down and you need to prop him back up and point him in the right direction."  We had to do it in a way that put the responsibility for his actions on him.  Kyle had 3 privileges suspended until he gets back on track for 5 days (his idea) and he wrote 2 letters of apology (my suggestion).  While I expect Kyle to take responsibility for his actions, I do believe there were some indiscretions and errors in judgement made by others which snowballed and resulted in Kyle making some poor choices.  

Some common characteristics of the Creative personality type include:

• Innovative
• Very creative; full of ideas
• Excellent conversationalist
• Enjoys debating topics with other people
• Places a great deal of emphasis on knowledge
• Dislike schedules and routines
• Good at leading others
• Does not like to be controlled
• Warm and enthusiastic
• Empathetic and caring
• Able to think abstractly and understand difficult, complex concepts
• Disorganized
• Strong communication skills
• Fun and spontaneous
• Highly creative

The following famous figures display a creative personality type:

• Charles Dickins, author
• Dr. Seuss, children's author
• Robin Williams, actor
• Will Smith, actor
• Charlotte Bronte, author
• Thomas Edison, inventor
• John Adams, U.S. president
• Theodore Roosevelt, U.S. president
• Alexander the Great, king and military leader
• Julia Child, cook
• Alfred Hitchcock, director
• Walt Disney, filmmaker
• Leonardo daVinci, inventor/artist

Kids, when you read this someday, I want you to know this:
1) We are a team, we are on the same side...even when mistakes are made.  If a teammate falls down, you help them up. 
2) The only person responsible for your choices is you.  It doesn't matter whose idea it was, who did it first or whether you got caught.  Remember, character is who you are when no one is looking.
3) You can come to us about anything...even if it is something you are not proud of.
4) Everyone makes mistakes, what's important is what you do afterward.
5) We believe in you. 

"Be who you are, say what you feel.  Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."  ~Dr. Seuss (a creative personality type himself.)

Side note: On Thursday, the school secretary wrote me a quick email (Kyle had to sit in the office during recess as a consequence to his behavior on Wednesday):  
"I just wanted to let you know that Kyle came through the office today and he was so kind and so respectful.  He is a great kid!"