Mommy of the Year

I don’t know why, but recently, a few of my friends have made comments of admiration towards me as a mother of two. So since I am obviously so good at this I thought I would share some of my secrets of great motherhood with my dedicated readers and friends!

1. When Barrett is throwing a tantrum, I carry him like a football to the naughty corner. This is because he won’t mind me when I tell him to go there, and this way his kicking and hitting is facing away from me. It’s all about self preservation.
2. I have been known to totally forget about the dog. I once closed her in Barrett’s room for the night (she always sleeps in our room) and I didn’t even notice until I got him up the next morning.
3. Under my jeans, my legs haven’t been shaved for weeks. I wonder if Locks of Love takes leg hair…
4. I sometimes wear the same outfit 2 days in a row so I don’t have to think about what I am going to wear and if it’s clean.
5. After having kids, I have discovered it takes 3 days without washing my hair for it to begin to look greasy. Taking a body-only shower or bath saves precious blow-drying time.
6. I have taken my kids to “work” (which is Panera where I can get high speed internet) and made them sit in high chairs for 3 hours while I tried to work. Snacks and toys were provided and repeatedly thrown from the table.
7. In order to have nap time to do the things I need to do, I don’t want the kids to sleep in the car. I sometimes will wake Kyle up in the car so he’ll sleep at home. It’s like poking a hornets’ nest, because it really ticks him off.
8. Before I wipe down the high chair and floor after meals, I call in the dog to clean up (lick off) the big stuff.
9. There was the Spoiled Milk Incident of 2007 that is still being talked about today in the Starr family. Cody had loaded the car for a get-together with his family. When we got there, I got the kids out. During dinner, an 18 month old cousin had taken a sip of Barrett’s cup and his face went twisted like an old man with out his dentures. The milk was sour because it was a cup that had been in the car for a couple days. I had failed to clean out my car between trips and that day’s cup got mixed up with the OLD cup. Mommy of the year! Thank you very much!