The day will come...

I want to freeze this day. This moment in time. 6:49 am to be exact. Me, in my blue butterfly pajamas. The two of you in your Underoos crawling in bed with me, stepping on the trunk to help hoist you up. You make a laughing leap aiming to land in my arms but you only make it halfway and you get enveloped in sheets and blankets. Your head pops up and one of you asks sweetly, “Is it wake-up time?” I think to myself no but I say, “It’s close enough, come over here and snuggle with me.” You climb the rest of the way to my arms and squeeze in close. It takes more squirming than I imagined, but we finally all get comfy. You excitedly show off the pajamas you picked out, as if I had never seen them before. As if I wasn’t there last night when you chose them. I tickle your belly and call you silly. You tell me that you’re not silly and what your name really is. We tickle and laugh till we’re all out of breath and then cozy up for a few more precious, fleeting moments of cuddling. We sing our silly messy hair song and I am wishing we could stay like this forever. Cuddly. Affectionate. But, I know that the day is coming that you will no longer welcome my hugs and kisses, morning cuddles and incessant “I love yous.”
It breaks my heart that someday you will no longer want my affections. I don’t know what will cause this shift and I am secretly praying it doesn’t happen. Ever. I pray that it will be just a phase and you realize that in times when there are no answers, my arms can hold you and comfort you. That even when I’m too mad to talk calmly, I am always willing to give a loving hug. That no matter what, I always want to wrap you in my arms and give you all my love.
As you are reading this, a few years from now, you are probably in those resistant years when you ask me to stop. But I won’t stop. I will keep giving my hugs and kisses. I will keep saying “I love you.” Even if you yell, “Eewww!” Even if you feel embarrassed. Even if you wipe your face after I kiss it. Even when you tower a foot over me, I will never stop wrapping my arms around you and planting a big smooch on your cheek. Just like this morning. Just like when you were little. So you might as well just give in, my sweet boys, and get over here and give your mother a kiss.